Sunday, May 13, 2012

Your Next Place

 If you want a house that you can impress your parents with, this is absolutely the one.  Everything about this place is refined, understated, sophisticated, and excruciatingly classy.  Not one off note.  If you bought this place and brought your parents here, they'd just get real quiet and then look at you in a way they've never looked at you before and then break down in tears apologizing for all the mistakes they made raising you, like when they got you knockoff "Nikeys" in fourth grade because "no one will notice anyway."  (At least that's how it goes in my daydream.  In reality, my parents would just look around, nod, and move in.)

The powder blue living room is expansive and features several large windows and a fantastic white fireplace; the dining room is elegant and more than large enough for any size family.  The kitchen has been recently renovated, and it shows; right next to the classic woodwork are the latest gleaming top-of-the-line appliances.  You can also see the park from the kitchen windows, so you can gaze out at nature's glory as your Pork n' Beans simmer.  My favorite part of the house was the "pub room," which was being used as an office, but could be used as, well, a pub.  With brick floors and an awesomely weathered wooden bar and a grille for grill(e?)ing, this would be hands down the greatest man cave of all time.  There are even some beautiful french doors that lead out to the patio, for when someone needs to vomit.

Upstairs are two equally masterful master bedroom suites, each outfitted with a full luxurious bath and excellent closets.  A lot of places have one incredible master suite and then a lesser one, but here, both people can have a suite that preserves their secret belief that they are superior to the other person.  As I get older, I'm convinced that this is the key to a lasting relationship.  That, and having secret affairs.

3510 Whitehaven Parkway NW
2 Bedrooms, 3 Bathrooms


Anonymous said...

I've always wanted to spend $9,000,000 on a north-facing brick box with no frontyard, sideyard, or backyard. Especially one that's covered in telephone wires and cables.

But I'm sure this is walking distance to a nice beach, right?

Anonymous said...

$899K all living in southern facing rooms with extra large windows. garage, kitchen and bath face north. Corner lot with South and West views as far as Roslyn. Backyard patio with garden space and waterfall. Side green space. Block form Social Safeway. Deer crossing sign across street as National Parkland cannot be built on. 2 blocks from path into Rock Creek Park. At Circulator terminus and bike share station.

Anonymous said...

Who hasn't been thirsting for Eisenhower- or Kennedy-era "colonial" design? Tiny windows, awful proportions, California-style emphasis on the garage, etc. If the lot is all that the previous post says, this seems like a tear-down -- obviously for someone much wealthier than I.

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