Saturday, September 01, 2012

Your Next Place



By Franklin Schneider

The house next door to mine has been sold at least three times in the six years I've lived here. After a while I just assumed it was haunted, but after the last owners moved out I was able to go inside for a visit and I found that no, it just sort of sucked. It was narrow, dim, and had the finishes of a Holiday Inn rent-by-hour conference room. Of course everyone moved out after a year or two.

Conversely, the best houses are almost never on the market. (Much like the best women - I know because I've been checking their Facebook relationship statuses daily for years.) This sprawling 1914 house is a perfect example of this principle. It's been in the family for decades, and when you walk through it you can see why. High ceilings, wide open spaces, miles of burnished hardwood floors, four fireplaces, and six generous bedrooms, all spread over three levels. I'd stay here for decades too. (Unfortunately, the open house ended at 5pm.)


Coming in, you enter into a large, open reception hall area off which all the main rooms branch off, so the house is really made for socializing, parties, etc. The centrally-located dining room is fantastic, the kitchen is unbelievably roomy, I loved the large, elegant library (books are the new vinyl), the master bedroom is "suite" (ha ha! puns!), and if I lived there I'd totally call dibs on the sunny, quirkily shaped attic bedroom. Outside, there's a truly epic backyard and (if there was an emoticon for "intense jealousy," it would be right here) an in-ground pool - this place really is the "too good to be true" house that every family on television lives in, except that it's actually real.  And like the hot women on facebook, it was off the market before I even had a chance at it.

3846 Woodley Road NW
6 Bedrooms, 3.5 Baths
Sale price: $1,623,000






5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Please leave out the juvenile quips re women and facebook. Otherwise, thanks for the article!

Anonymous said...

Sorry Anonymous, I hate to be contrary, but I just laughed out loud reading this article. I wasn't so interested in the house necessarily but the humour just kept me reading. Now who can't use a good laugh every day, don't you agree? The author's humour tickels my funny bone every time. :-)

Sheila on Sep 7, 2012, 4:19:00 PM said...

Anon 2, agreed. Every time Franklin sends me his articles to edit I laugh out loud at least once. Glad you get it too!

Anonymous said...

I laughed out loud too. I'll bet you a Benjamin Franklin the owner of that "leave out juvenile quips" is Republican. #Sorry #Couldn'tHelpMyself

Squirrel said...

OMG Franklin. Based on your sense of humor, I always assumed you were gay.

 

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