Sunday, September 16, 2012

Your Next Place


 This fantastic Colonial is the sort of house you see in a family sitcom that makes everyone say, "come on, no family actually lives in a house like that!"  By which I mean you should buy this house, live in your car in the driveway, and rent it out to Hollywood producers as a set on which to film their family sitcoms.  Cha-ching!  I feel like that tip is worth at least a fifteen percent commission.

TThis house has it all; huge, open floor plan, hardwood floors burnished to a high shine, marble fireplace, recessed lighting.  The dining room is one of the most striking I've ever seen, with a duo of huge rectangular skylights and an entire long wall of windows.  There's a general feeling of openness and space, which is important for families, since you need room to grow, and also because you hate each other.  I grew up in a huge rambling Victorian house and one floor per family member was barely enough space; I routinely urinated off the roof rather than go downstairs and risk an encounter with my dad as he trimmed his handlebar mustache to "Steve Miller's Greatest Hits" or my mom as she did step aerobics while watching "Martin" starring Martin Lawrence.  (She still sprinkles his catchphrases into everyday conversation: "Hey mom, can you give me a ride to the airport tomorrow morning?  My flight leaves at 7AM."  "DAMN GINAAAAAAA!!!")  No worries about that in this place; with five bedrooms and 5.5 baths, you could conceivably never see the people you lived with, which is just how it should be.

The bedrooms are large and beautifully finished, with fine shutters and accent walls.  Out back is a stone patio and a sizeable yard, nicely fenced off from prying eyes.  It's big enough and secure enough that you could totally put your dog or your children back here anytime you needed some "grownup time" to yourself, in the bathroom, "rocking back and forth" with a "bottle of vodka" repeating "oh my god I've wasted my youth, is there still time to change my life?!"  (No.)  There's also a full garage, for the aftermath of the aforementioned "grownup time" crisis when you buy a convertible and/or motorcycle.

2707 34th Place NW
5 Bedrooms, 5.5 Baths
$2,345,000


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