Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Your Next Place

By Franklin Schneider

This Chevy Chase colonial is totally fresh new construction - you know how when you buy a new sweatshirt, the inside is so soft and velvety that it's almost sensory overload? Extrapolate that to an entire house and you get the idea. Everything was so shiny and vibrant, I feel like living here would be like being a kid again. And let's be honest, living in a newly-constructed house is the really the only way to guarantee your new home isn't haunted. If I was an agent, I'd have that stamped on those glossy fliers for any new house I was selling - "Guaranteed Ghost Free!" I suggested this to the agent at the open house, but she just looked at me like "you're lucky I left my pepper spray in the car."

At 6200 square feet, this house is also palatially big. The family room, the dining room, the very fine kitchen - each one of these rooms was bigger than my entire apartment. Upstairs are five bedrooms, all spacious, and a fantastic master suite that features a tray ceiling, a fireplace, and his and her closets. No more intermingling your stuff! Because let's be honest, there's nothing worse than being on the train to work and realizing your shirt is exuding amber vanilla body spray after months of close confinement with your girlfriend's cardigans. I mean, I like it on her, but by mid-morning I was ready to roll around on the floor under the urinals, just to cut down the cute stench.

The lower level features a rec room, a game/media room, an office/exercise room, another bedroom/full bath, and a laundry room. Like I said, huge. I half-expected there to be a food court down there. The highlight of the house for me, though, was the enclosed porch, arguably the largest and nicest I've ever seen. It's also on the second level, which means your al fresco dining will be able to continue even in the event of flash flooding.

3211 Tennyson Street NW
6 Bedrooms, 5.5 Baths


Anonymous said...

Didn't you see Poltergeist? New construction is no guarantee against haunting.

Anonymous said...

Well, in Poltergeist, they built on an existing burial ground, that's why the haunting took place. If there are no "old bones" under this house, they may be ok.

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