Saturday, September 29, 2012

Your Next Place


This massive former embassy is on the market for the first time in over fifty years; most likely all the U.S. government listening devices have been deactivated, though of course I can't be sure.  (Just to be safe, turn loud music on before discussing anything against the law, such as selling heroin, terror plots, or same-sex marriage.)

But this incredibly property is bursting with unlimited potential, sort of like a new relationship.  The best part is that this building is guaranteed not to eventually disappoint you by drinking too much wine when meeting your parents and asking, "if evolution is real, why haven't the chimpanzees in the zoo turned into humans yet, huh?!"  A potential what, eight-bedroomer (!), this house's ceiling is limited only by your imagination.  The brick Colonial-style facade is definitely a keeper, with its timeless qualities, as well as the distinctive details (check out those windows!).  The spiral staircase, dazzling M.C. Escher-like piece of work, is also worth preserving.  Ah, who am I kidding, this place is fine as is.  You could just scatter some IKEA furniture around and call it a home.  (Protip: a tablecloth thrown over a four-by-four quadrangle of unpacked moving boxes makes a sort-of-convincing table)  The back area is paved over, which you could keep and use as a parking lot or you could tear up the concrete and make it into a gloriously large yard. Who knows, poke around a bit and you might find an old diplomatic license plate the previous tenants forgot to pack during the move.  Imagine, a world where no traffic or parking laws apply to you:  in some religions, that's their definition of heaven.

Of course, with 7500 square feet of space to work with, you could turn this into a one-in-a-million dream home with just a little imagination and elbow grease (and a few hundred thousand dollars for renovations).  This building brought back a lot of memories of when I was a child and my father became smitten with the idea of buying and renovating an old high school into our family home.  My mother was against this idea, as she wanted our next house to be, well, a house.  My father replied that, yes, good point, but the abandoned school comes with a full-sized basketball court AND a glass-front trophy case he could use for all his office bowling league trophies.  In retrospect, this was the first (but by no means the last) time she realized she'd married a big grown-up child.

2310 Tracy Place NW
$2,700,000
6 Bedroom, 2 Full Baths, 2 Half Baths





3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm know you were joking and it's all in good fun etc. etc., but same-sex marriage is legal in the District, and several states. Just saying.

Anonymous said...

Yes, but it's not legal everywhere. I think that was the point being made.

Anonymous said...

It's take more than a few hundred thousand to make that diamond in the rough shine. Needs a complete gut job. Renovated price per square foot in that neighborhood is from 550-700 sq ft, at 7500 sq ft that would be 4-5 million dollars.

 

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