Friday, December 28, 2012

Your Next Place

The awesome penthouse of a breathtaking boutique building, this unit is like a plum-sized diamond crazy-glued to the top of a grapefruit-sized ruby.  A two-level masterpiece of a condo, this place has ceilings that are super high (insert your own "legalized marijuana" joke here), immaculate hardwood floors (if I ever become a male stripper, Immaculate Hardwood is going to be my stage name), and recessed lighting (uh ... I got nothing.).

The designer kitchen sports stainless steel appliances, Silestone counters, and a breakfast bar that's perfect for flinging junk mail onto (no one eats breakfast anymore except for babies and retirees).  Upstairs, are the bright, wide bedrooms, all of which have dramatic views.  But the real highlight is the private rooftop terrace.  If I lived in this place, I'd rent the indoor rooms out as storage compartments and just live out here all the time.  With over six hundred square feet of patio space, you could probably land a helicopter out here, though there's a good chance it might collapse the roof.  If you decide to try it out, make sure you tape it for me.

The building is only a block from Meridian Hill park, still the best place in the city to drift off to sleep on a blanket on a warm summer day and wake up to a homeless person frantically touching himself while looking at you through a gap in the hedges.  (True story.)  It's also right between two metro stations, so you can alternate between the two and make your morning commute, like, three percent less depressing.  Hey, with the retirement age rising steadily (according to one study, the average 40 year old today won't be able to stop working until 18 to 24 months past physical death), every little bit counts.

1435 Chapin Street NW 305
2 Bedrooms, 2 Baths


Anonymous said...

Franklin, I enjoy an antidote here and there (it makes the read more interesting) but every sentence is a bit much

Anonymous said...

I don't agree with the first comment. This end-of-year (maybe) review was hilarious. Always look forward to Franklin's descriptions of properties.

poo said...

i dig franlin's writings. keep it up, frankie boy!

Anonymous said...

Love Franklin's comments. Don't stop!

Anonymous said...

Franklin, anonymous probably needs an antidote for your anecdotes. Don't stop.

Anonymous said...

I'll side with Anon #1 -- it was too much to swallow. Save some for the next review.

Anonymous said...

I think that I am tired of such positive comments for something so ordinary. I have been in this apartment and god highly disappointed my many things:
1) across the street there are still a lot of these affordable apartments that pretty much disqualify this property from the list of upscale ones - particularity based on the listing price.
2) to my knowledge the developer sold 30% or so of the units in the building as affordable. Now 5 years or so latter, the common areas of the building really look dirty as section 8 rather than 500+/sqf condominium (particularly the hallways).
3) the property itself is badly maintained - broken handles, dirt etc.,
4) the appliances were the original ones, which does not qualify the property as top notch; the kitchen was just too small.
5) the hardwood floor is average developer quality, and it is only in the living room. There is carpet elsewhere, which is not leveled well with the hardwood.
6) there was nothing like stunning view from the bedrooms. One of the options is to look at the wall of the neighboring building (indeed too close, so feel like exposed bricks rather than window), the other one towards the poverty to the North.
The only good thing was the outdoor space.
I think similar comments put the real estate in DC in a real crisis during the bubble.Many paid the price of 100K and above for similar properties. I can bet: buy this now for the listing price and call me in five years to tell me if you lost less than 100K. Best of luck!

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