Sunday, November 27, 2011

Your Next Place

By Franklin Schneider

You know how when you're dating, you meet a lot of people who are attractive enough, who don't have any glaring bad qualities, who aren't horrible but aren't great, and then one day you meet that person who's just perfect in every single way? I don't, I'm a hypercritical misanthrope with laughably high standards who's destined to die alone. But I've seen it happen on television tons of times!

Anyway, this is sort of how I felt when I saw this house. Plenty of places have a stunning facade, or a spectacular great room, or a state-of-the-art kitchen, but this place hit every single point on the checklist. Right off the bat, walking up the front walk through the landscaped yard and onto the wide front porch, I was taken in by the picturesque quaintness. And then you go in the front door and it's like someone is bludgeoning you in the face with a lead pipe of awesomeness. (Too much?)

A sweet classic fireplace and louvered ceilings makes for a striking living room; next is the huge, sunny formal dining room, and then through a set of french doors is a chef-caliber kitchen – one of the most well-appointed I've seen – with another, adjacent, dining area. Upstairs, the master bedroom is very spacious, with tons of built-in shelves (there are built-ins throughout this house – one of my favorite features), and a fine master bath. The other three bedrooms on the floor are also very generously proportioned. In the basement, there's a rec room, another full bath, laundry, and a kitchenette, in case you want to secretly break your diet in the middle of the night by baking yourself a chicken pot pie. (I've done it.)

Also! In back, across the expansive yard, is a separate freestanding sort of studio guesthouse, with a half-bath, that you could use as a mancave or an office or a writing studio. If I lived here, this is where I'd spend most of my time. (See what I mean about the misanthrope thing? I'm already planning how to emotionally withdraw from my nonexistent theoretical wife and family.) Like I was saying, this is the house that has it all! The only thing I didn't absolutely unconditionally love was the price, and that's only because I couldn't afford to buy it in full on the spot. (I'm more looking for a home in the one to three thousand dollar price range – all I've found so far is a stripped Kia Sportage on blocks. I'm waiting to hear back about my offer.)

3611 Lowell St. NW
6 Bedrooms, 4 Baths


bogfrog said...

Franklin Schneider has a great style! Thanks for your honesty, misanthrope!

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