Your Next Place

By Franklin Schneider

Yeesh. I've described many places as having “lots of light,” but as soon as I walked into this place, I realized that I'd been lying all those other times. (To claim your refund for those posts, simply write a letter that includes your name, address, and the dates you read the erroneous posts, then tear it into pieces and throw the pieces in the trash.)

Now THIS place has light. Massive floor to ceiling windows that really flood the unit with natural light. People say candlelight is the most flattering light, but it's not really; it's just dark, so people can't see your smoker's teeth and laugh lines. Natural light, though, is clarifying AND flattering. I looked ten years younger in this place. I took out my phone and tried to quickly take a new profile pic for Facebook, but the agent went bananas when I started oiling my torso. I tried to explain to him that the oil dripping everywhere was good for the hand-stained hardwood floors, but he wouldn't listen.

But there's more to the place than just windows, and at 1100 square feet, there's a lot to love. Two very fine, large bedrooms (each with its own full bath), a separate dining area, high ceilings, and a private balcony with a breathtaking view. It seems breathtakingly high up and you're really able to look down on the entire city - literally, not the way I do it, by just walking around curling my lip at people. There are also remote control shades for the incredibly huge tall windows, and the unit comes with a parking space and storage unit. Just a block from the U Street metro, in prime territory for shopping, nightlife, and four pound, three-thousand calorie slices of pizza for $1.99. America!

2020 12th Street NW #709
2 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms

$639,900