Your Next Place

By Franklin Schneider

Is it me or does this house look sort of like the White House? It does, doesn't it? Don't think I didn't lean against one of those pillars and pretend to be Obama for a second, crowd of fellow open-housers be damned. ("Honey, why did that asian Jeff Foxworthy lookalike just shout, 'I'm the king of the world!'?")

This house is a mansion's mansion - sprawling, sophisticated, and it has everything you could possibly ask for in a house. A library? Check. Six fireplaces? A sun room? A den? Wet bar? Marble foyer? Gourmet kitchen? Whirlpool bath? It's got all that and more. It has so many rooms they ran out of names for them and listed one as "Other Room 1." (I would put a foot of cat litter in there and turn it into a huge litter box, but then I'm lazy and disgusting.)

The master bedroom is HUGE and has an adjoining sitting room, so it's sort of like its own little apartment. The kicker being that you also have the entire rest of the building to yourself. There are also his and hers master bathrooms, which is huge. I maintain that an effective definition of "you've made it" is not ever having to share a bathroom with other people, i.e. being able to use a q-tip and then just drop it on the floor with no repercussions, ever. If there's more to life than that, well, I'm just not interested.

The house is in Cleveland Park, so it's steps away from shopping, restaurants metro, etc. It's also very close to Rock Creek Park and Pierce Klingle Mansion, which is one of the few places in DC that's nicer than this house. I guess it could be good having that place close by; living in a mansion like this could easily turn you into a raging egomaniac. It might be marriage-saving if you could just walk over every few weeks and look at the Klingle Mansion and be like, "Oh, wait."

3539 Williamsburg Lane NW
5 Bedrooms, 6 Baths
$2,450,000

Washington D.C. real estate news