Your Next Place

By Franklin Schneider

This house looks exactly like me when I'm at the club; not as tall as the two dudes on each side of me, but clearly much, much classier. If you could airbrush a pencil mustache onto the facade of the house and put, like, a scale-model PBR tallboy in front, the resemblance would be perfect.

I wouldn't say the house looks small initially, but the inside is far larger than you'd think if you were on the outside looking in. There are high ceilings and wide-open spaces and long uninterrupted sightlines everywhere, and distinctive tall windows. There's a double living room with two fireplaces, so you can segregate your guests by political party. (Third party supporters have to sit in the yard.) There are also a striking number of built-in bookshelves scattered throughout the house; I don't think I've ever seen a house with enough shelving for not only all my books but also for prized VHS tape collection. (VHS tapes are going to be the new vinyl, you just wait.) Out back is a fantastic lush garden, the perfect place to have breakfast or to unwind after work with a drink or eight.

If you lived here you'd also get the obscure prestige of having a two-digit house number (mine has four digits – lame!). And the house is just a stone's throw from the House and Senate office buildings, the Capitol building, and the Supreme Court, so if representative democracy is your “thing,” this is the place for you. Late at night, you can sometimes hear them making freedom over there. (Spoiler: it's made out of greenhouse gases.)

19 2nd St NE
3 Bedrooms, 2.5 Baths
$1,495,000