Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Your Next Place

This stunning townhouse sports a limestone facade, which means that, what, it'll dissolve like tissue paper if exposed to Coca-Cola?  I only vaguely remember high school science class, as I was sleep-deprived and sexually frustrated the whole time.  And high.  (I just got really depressed, writing that paragraph, when I realized that nothing has changed.)

The house features a one of a kind recessed arch "porte-cochere" entrance, which is French for "always leave the outside light on or a homeless person will sleep there."  With almost six thousand square feet of space, this house sports four fireplaces AND an elevator - I was almost disappointed when I looked into the elevator and there wasn't another small fireplace inside.  The formal dining and living rooms are "Great Gatsby"-level nice, and the kitchen is huge, with a glass-enclosed eat-in dining area that looks out onto the rolling backyard.

The master bath is incredibly glamorous; you could shoot a rap video in here.  It's got more mirrors than suburban hotel's honeymoon suite (with none of the hidden cameras!), and twin vanities separated by a plush little bench, so whoever finishes getting ready first can sit there and offer super helpful unsolicited advice to the other.  ("I'd never tell you what to wear, but that dress makes you look like an obese wet clown.")  There's a stunning, presidential-quality office (with a fireplace), and au pair suite for the stunning eastern european you hired to take care of your kids.  (I'll let you decide if "kids" in this context is a euphemism or not.)  Out back is a flagstone patio, surrounded by greenery and wrought-iron fencing.

The top level is a huge entertaining area that opens onto an equally huge roof deck; I feel like the buyer of this house should have to sign a legally binding contract promisng to throw parties here.  Not using such a fantastic space would be like buying the Mona Lisa and then locking it into a closet.  It belongs to the world!

2328 Massachusetts Avenue NW
4 Bedrooms, 4.5 Baths


Anonymous said...

No, it's not a porte cochere, which is a covered area where carriages or cars can drive through and drop off passengers. You could call this a recessed porch. Its technical name, I s'pose, is "portico in antis."

TLDR - don't use fancy terms if you don't really know how to use said fancy term.

Anonymous said...

These square footage measurements are always confusing. Looks like a 5 level house. It would have to be 20 x50 per floor to have 5000 square feet, which it may be...but where are the extra 1000 square feet?

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