Saturday, October 27, 2012

Your Next Place

This U street home isn't at all what you think of when you hear "U Street."  (Drunk projectile vomiters, perpetual go-go music blasting at all hours.)  No, this house is a ways down U Street, where the narrow rowhouses and nightlife give way to 24/7 tranquility and homes of more stately proportions. No, the only vomiters out here are rich bulimic high schoolers.

This massive Colonial is newly-built and correspondingly pristine.  It's got that "new house" smell permeating every room, which isn't a "smell" so much as an "absence of smells," which makes sense considering how many thousands of odors have been slyly secreted over the years in the average pre-inhabited house.  There's a huge open formal living room and dining room, each of which seems as big as a regulation ice rink. The gourmet kitchen sports luxurious marble countertops and the family room (complete with fireplace) looks out, via a wall of triple-sized windows, onto the massive fenced-in backyard.  There's a large flagstone patio out there, but the rest of it is a long flat grassy area that's so big you could probably do an emergency plane landing back there.  I mean, there probably wouldn't be any survivors, but the plane would, technically, be on the ground.

Upstairs is a master bedroom suite that's truly palatial, with a sitting room and a master bath that features a massive shower and a freestanding soaking tub.  The house also features two separate libraries, so you can have one library for all those paperbacks with raised metallic lettering you buy in airports, and another for the serious literary books and statesman biographies that you're saving for when your tastes mature, which we both know will never happen.

Topping it all off, the house is one of an enclave of eight newly-built homes, so if you've got seven good friends with stellar credit and/or a million dollars lying around, you all could conceivably buy all the houses and form your own little independent breakaway republic.   I mean, it worked out so well for David Koresh!

4800 U Street NW
5 Bedrooms, 5.5 Baths


Unknown on Oct 30, 2012, 3:12:00 PM said...

I enjoy this blog and find it informative. I do have to say, tho, that the references to vomiting in this post, particularly to bulima (a serious and often deadly illness), are in extraordinarily poor taste and deeply insensitive.

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